An excerpt from the book It’s the Communication, Stupid! The Art of Making Better Portraits through Better Communication.

Before we can begin a discussion of enhancing our communication skills, we need to define communication, and more specifically interpersonal communication – the kind of communication we have with our clients during a portrait session.

Merriam-Webster defines communication as “the act or process of using words, sounds, signs, or behaviors to express or exchange information or to express your ideas, thoughts, feelings, etc., to someone else.”

While we have a tendency to think of communication as the use of words, notice that the definition includes far more than just words to express our thoughts, ideas, and feelings. In fact, interpersonal communication is made up of three parts: words, body language, and tone, and of those three, words express far less than body language and tone.

Consider the following the sentence.

I did not say she was his girlfriend.

As words on a page without tone or body language, they express different meaning based on how you read them. However, add emphasis and tone (maybe a little body language) and the meaning changes quickly. Try this. Read the sentence again and place tonal emphasis on the underlined word in each sentence.

I did not say she was his girlfriend.
It wasn’t you that said it.

I did not say she was his girlfriend.
You didn’t say it, but you might have implied it.

I did not say she was his girlfriend.
She isn’t his girlfriend.

I did not say she was his girlfriend.
He has a different girlfriend.

I did not say she was his girlfriend.
She is only a friend. They aren’t a couple.

Simple tonal emphasis completely changed the meaning of the words written on this page. Your tone of voice can convey a lack of patience, sympathy and understanding. It can convey anger and even imply that you think your client is stupid – without ever using the word stupid. Remember that how you hold yourself (your body language) and your tone communicate far more than words you use and can make the huge difference in how your message is received.

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